Last post: Day 20-31 - Where do you see yourself in 10 years

I am very sorry, I still suck at completing this list, but hey, I'm finishing it all in this one post!

Day 20 - This song makes me feel good

I actually don't really have a song that makes me feel good. Though I do enjoy listening to Bubble Pop - Hyuna when doing no. 2 in the bathroom. That makes me more comfortable. 

Day 21 - Someone/something I admire
There aren't really someone I admire either... I have one person that I find myself respecting a lot. I barely know her but the way she carries herself is very much admirable. I can't tell who she is, but she's not a celeb or anything like that. Just a regular person, but she has indirectly influenced me. 

Day 22 - My bad sides
I don't know what my bad sides are... Can someone tell me? I find myself being too naive sometimes, at least back in the days. That I would consider a "bad side" of mine that I am not very fond of. 

Day 23 - My type of humour
Immature (poop jokes), sick humour that will make you very uncomfortable (maybe stuff like Shane Dawson does, even though I don't watch him regularly)... I don't know, and then I laugh when people get hurt emotionally and physically, e.g. if someone falls or people joke about someone's death in a funny way, I'd laugh and then feel sorry.

Day 24 - This is what I used to look like

Oh god... This is what I used to look like when I was a teenager between 8-9th grade. I had synthetic dreads that I made myself and fluffy legwarmers with platform boots.

Day 25 - My type of music

It has shifted a lot through the years but today I listen mainly to mainstream pop and such. I barely listen to house anymore, which I used to do a lot like 1-2 years back. But I enjoy artists like INNA, Alexandra Stan, Hyuna (K-pop) and other random songs.

Day 26 - Something that makes me feel good

When I ace an exam. 

Nah, but in the long run, that'd probably be doing good art. I really enjoy doing art and putting time and effort into a piece. A few posts back (in this blog) I showed one piece that was very detailed and I really enjoyed working on it. I have more pieces that I enjoy but the proudest one is that thing with a gas mask. 

Day 27 - Your positive sides

I see myself as a bitter person. I don't know... I am a good listener. I am thankful for being somewhat ambitious with my life, I crave for things in life and I am curious of people and things in this world, even though I loathe people, humans. It's a weird combination there. 

Don't ask me questions about my identity! I become so confused when I start to think! I am a confused person at this point of my life, uh-kay?! 

Day 28 - My favorite movie

I have a few but Insidious is a good one because the horror in that one isn't like the rest of the movies in the horror genre. This one doesn't have blood and splatter and that boring stuff. This one is psychological and out of the box. My type of horror.

Day 29 - If this was my last day

I've had this one asked before. I would tell all my loved ones to chillax and that I am happy to go away. Something in that manner. I don't care of my life going away, I care more for those who love me. That's the problem. 

Day 30 - My biggest celeb. crush

I've had celeb crushes when I was a teen but now that I am older I've never had any. I had the weirdest crushes... Buckethead (bad ass guitar player) and Joey Jordison (drummer of Slipknot and guitar player of Murderdolls) 

 Joey Jordison when he was in Murderdolls 

 Jordison in Slipknot

Buckethead

Day 31 - Where do you see yourself in 10 years

Hopefully have reached my goals and dreams when it comes to work related stuff. A well payed job and doing what I enjoy and am interested in. Right now: working with science.

And living with dogs and no children. 

Dat 17, 18, 19

Day 17 - Something that fascinates me

Paranormal, supernatural... Creepy, inexplainable things. Creepy things we can't explain. I have a whole encyclopedia of things like this on my book shelf. I don't dare to read it at times. 

Day 18 - My dream job

Live life and get paid for it. Nah, let's be more realistic. My ultimate dream have always been to become an austronaut... Yeah.. I don't know. 

Otherwise, something more likely to happen, and more realistic to strive for, is to work at a high tech, crazy lab. Working with dangerous components, or things that are forbidden... A lab that will spice up the time spent in there. I'm not interested at woking in labs with biosafety 4 (the most secured level, where agents such as Ebola are handled in), but more like... I don't know. Speaking of forbidden stuff, drugs. I want a masters in toxicology, I guess that's my current dream job. Working with toxic substances and study on how they affect the human body and the environment. 

Day 19 - This is always in my bag

Medicine for general symptoms, fever, aches and such. I also carry a lip balm everywhere. Yeah, that's about it. Not much more. 

Day 16 - This makes me cry

I'm finally catching up on this 31 days list, and now I'm back on track.

Day 16 - This makes me cry

I rarely cry, except for when it comes to that thing, which I won't ever talk about on this blog because it's private. Otherwise emotional, strong, inspiring things makes me shed a tear quite easily, but only when I'm alone and seeing these things. Things that touches your soul, that inspires you to dream big, that pulls you out of your shit pit. That's the stuff that makes me cry. 

There are several things like this that makes me cry but the easiest that most people know of is Katy Perry's Firework song and video, that stuff makes me cry when I focus on the lyrics and watch the video. 

Day 13, 14, 15

Day 13 - A moment I'll never forget

Hahah, probably the moments when I get the messages from the teachers when I passed the exams. Especially chemistry and medical microbiology. Because I had the lowest expectations, I was ready to accept an F, but miracles happen. 

Day 14 - Three places I wanna visit

1. Canada

2. Dracula's castle in Romania

3. USA

Yeah, quite boring answers.

Day 15 - Five pictures from 2012

CLICK FOR BIGGER PICTURES

This was like in Mars. I remember, at this point of my life, I was moving on from the break up I had in February. I remember my sadness but I was moving on.

This was during early summer. The first time I met Malin again. We went to this abandoned hotel, that is now gone...

Me and Kk don't care, we do whatever we want. We hid from class and played cards at this time, I think

On my birthday, when I turned 18. Party at Viper Room

2012 was the year I put more of my soul into my interest in abandoned places and I found some this year

Day 12 - A significant year of your life

Day 12 - A significant year of your life

Hellllll yeaaaaahhh!! 2012! Will always be significant to me! A lot happened here. 

This is what happened:

1. The year started with a huge heartbreak.
2. I then became very close friends with Kk.
3. I turned 18
4. I TURNED 18!!!
5. I partied every weekend from that day on (my birthday was also on a Friday, perfect time to party)
6. In May I met someone that would change my life.
7. During summer I regained contact with my other half, Malin.
8. Summer 2012 was well spent with Malin, watching the Swedish series Tunnelbanan
9. But also haning out a lot with Is
10. Last year of high school started in the fall.
11. More party in the fall, cruises, clubs, bars
12. More drama with love
13. New years party at Is place with lots of people

2012 was surely an emotional roller coaster and many, MANY changes happened. It was crazy, a lot of fun but also a lot of drama. Many ups and downs.

<3
</3

Day 09 , 10, 11

Day 09 - I wish to experience this again

I'd say different periods of my life. High school, the Vietnam trips... But otherwise... Right now at this moment in life, I'd like to experience freedom, happiness and butterflies in my tummy. Sounds so cliche. But it's really important right now. 

This was a really short answer, but whatever. 

NEEEXT...

Day 10 - Five words that best describe me

This is just how I see myself:

#1 Calm: Yeah, I can tolerate a lot, and my mood is quite stable.
#2 Passionate: I have an inner flame. Once I'm interested or hooked to something, I would do anything for it.
#3 Laugh too much: I don't  know, I think I'm dry and people just amuse me, a lot amuses me. Which, I guess, is a good feature. To be easily amused and smile a lot, even though I don't feel well.
#4 Crazy: I don't think I'm literally crazy like some people can be. But I definitely have a weird, crazy side, an adventurous soul. An inner need to do shit that most people wouldn't think of doing. 
#5 Easy going: I just don't care about a lot of small things. I can go with the flow and just do whatever. I also forgive and forget easily. I'm just strolling through life without caring too much. This doesn't mean I never care or I never have troubles. Of course I do. But sometimes people have a hard time of letting go of smaller things.

Day 11 - This makes me upset

Probably stupid people. Not just any type of stupidity. But the one that is totally incredibly stupid. Someone that says stupid comments, someone that's bullshitting, someone who doesn't know fundamental communication, etc. Much more. It's your average idiot I'm talking about. And also Kim Kardashian upsets me. 

Day 08 - An awkward moment

So, I know I've missed a whole week of posting. But trust me, I really have my reasons... I have a lot of stress and a lot going on right now. It's not just school but shit has happened. But hey, at least I can blog how much I want on this 31 days list. I'll try to catch up.

Day 08 - An awkward moment

Awkward and fun as hell. You know those few moments in life where you laugh so hard that your abs will get muscle sores, and how you literally feel like a firework, just exploding out of laughter. Well, these were one of the moments.

Me and my ex had decided to meet up and have a last talk about our relationship. This was at the end of it all. We met up on the stairs in high school and talked and talked for a long time. 

I really felt that my tummy was gaseous and annoyed and I was able to hold it in for several times. But suddenly, out of nowhere a burst of a loud fart shook the whole scene. The thing is, I never felt it coming, my muscles totally failed me. I was surprised myself that it was able to come out! I laughed and laughed but my serious ex just had a sad smile on his face and said "it's okay". I could stand there for hours and laugh but needed to cool down for the sake of my ex. When we were done me and Diana and Sauma were in the Curie corridor and I told them what happened and my ex's reaction and all three of us busted out laughing like never before. I fell on the floor, lying there just bursting out. 

It probably doesn't sound very funny on text but this was pretty awkward for me but I'm turning it into something funny. 

Day 07 - I regret this

Day 07 - I regret this

I had never regretted things and I generally don't. 

But I regret punching bitches in the face if they've hurted me deeply, and there's two individuals in my life that I truly think deserve a death sentence. It's mostly because they have never heard the word "apologize". I haven't done shit to them, I'm a good person, I'm nice and respectful to people but haters gonna hate, because I know these people, deep down, want something from me. To like them back, to seek confirmation from me, to get a reaction from me. 

Haters gonna hate. 

And I have something that they want. So there's two reactions, 1. You let it be. 2. You eff up the person you envy. And these two people chose #2 and used it on me. I kept my head high and heart hard as stone when they kept punching me. But when the punching is over and you relax, that's when you start to soften up, you start to think and feel again. And that's when the regret hit me. Why didn't I do anything? I think I did the right thing despite the regret. I was mature, didn't start any drama and such.

I didn't start any drama because I know, arguing with these two people will be like arguing to a wall. Stupid people will always be stupid and their mouths will never shut up. On the other hand, why don't more sensible people sew the stupid people mouths shut? That's where the regret sits. 

But then we have this power that I believe in, karma. And guess what, I have seen how karma fucked these people that I deeply loathe. Even though I would have liked to use karma on my fist to punch these people and express my anger, I actually think that mental fuck up would be better. And THAT, my folks, is what is going on with these people. :) 

I don't condone corporal punishment but sometimes that's all that's needed for someone to wake up and realize what they're doing. 

But I don't want these two to understand, I like seeing them cringe in agony and I find pleasure in seeing their lives fuck up right in front of them. I didn't need to do shit, because their stupidity caused it themselves. 

Give respect, get respect. - Mr. Taylor.

06 - Five pictures that make me happy

Day 05 - Someone I miss

I missed yesterdays post cause I was at a friends place to study, so I'll do 2 today to catch up. 

Day 05 - Someone I miss

I just don't care anymore.

I actually miss an ex-bestie. We're not friends anymore and will never be. Nothing dramatic happened that ended our friendship, meaning it wasn't shit about jealousy, stealing someones man and sh*t like that. But on the later days she was just so gone and I was fed up and so we split up. 

I miss her and the memories we had together because she was literally crazy and we brought each others craziness out. We went on so many random adventures, I have most of it all documented on my old blog btw. We would often just hang out after school in town to eat, talk, do some shopping, or the favorite: Go on adventures. Just go anywhere and discover whatever's there. Stockholm is a big city and there's lots to see. 

She was a really typical Aries! Very passionate, had a huge, generous heart, strong opinions, argued, dared to do really crazy things (and trust me they were really crazy... Once, on a group presentation she climbed up on a table in front of the class and the teacher, and started her presentation by screaming and pointing out to the class "Eff you, you and you!!". And she had told nobody in the group about this. Not sure if the group grade got affected by this...). I mean, she loved me and I loved her, it really showed that we were a crazy pair. She is a really good friend with a huge heart but once she hates, she really hates and never forgive. 

But she will always be in my mind and heart and it's sad that I'll never experience the same feelings and experiences again. Though it was frustrating in the end, it was surely hell of a nice time when we were friends. 

Here we were walking to an abandoned place and it was raining. We didn't have an umbrella or anything to cover ourselves. So I just simply came up with this idea. Went to a grocery store, took these and BAM. Partially protected from the rain. :)

Day 04 - Your thoughts on love, and your first love

Day 04 - Your thoughts on love, and your first love

I've had this question answered before in Swedish 2011, from my old blog (here). It's really interesting to read how I viewed this topic back then, 3 years ago and how I think about this now.

When I wrote that old post I was dating my, now, ex. He was my very first boyfriend to have a "real" relationship with. Meaning we hung out and did a lot of activities together, we were truly in love, we had met each others parents, travelled together and such. But I've been in love before meeting him, which also involved real feelings, I'll come back to it later in this text. 

Two years have passed since that ex that I dated between 2011-2012. He is significant to me because it was my first serious one. 

Now to the actual topic of this post, I'm kind of clueless of what to write actually... 

*pause*

......... 

I mean... My view on love? I used to be a role model when it came to this topic. Haha, but now I'm just a lost soul. You're probably wondering what happened. It's a long story of course, very complicated too. But that's for another time. 

Here's my thoughts on love: I'm freaking tired of it, right now, at this point in life. But I do enjoy the feeling of love, who doesn't? I like that passion and to share love with someone, feeling the butterflies and such. 

But my fundamental opinions of love and relationships will always be the same. To be faithful, have trust in your loved one and all that traditional jazz. It is really easy to get carried away with you are deeply in love with someone. You become excited, you always want to hear from your loved one, want to be with them 24/7. I don't really know what else to say, my opinion is the traditional way. Things should last as much as possible. 

But that's rarely the case. Lately, the past years, have been just crazy. No relationship lasts, everyone breaks up. Celebrities, friends on fb, friends around me. That's why it's so impressive when you see two old couples that are still together, assuming they married once with that person. I don't know, maybe that couple got married in their 50's and have been together for "only" 10-20 years. I'm talking about the marriages that lasted for a decade! Those are impressive, if they still exist...

Anyway, I have similar views on love as erryone else, it should be real, serious and pure. We all want this deep down, but a lot of people today can't live by this. We're all fudged up nowadays.  

Instead of blabbing on about this, lemme give you some damn tips on how to make shit last a little longer than usual: 

It's damn sad that I have to write this down because people can't figure this out themselves .

1. Always tell the truth, because the truth will always find its way to the surface.
2. Trust, is the most important thing in a relationship. Have trust in each other and things will go waaayyy smoother.
3. Don't lose yourself while loving someone else. You don't wanna be dependent on someone else but yourself. Don't ever forget your value and who you are. 
4. Listen to your partner and take their feelings seriously. Communication! Especially when shit goes down. Every relationship will have fights and you gotta be able to communicate.
5. Go only into a relationship if you're ready. Only when you've learned to stand on your own damn feet and when you truly love yourself. Because ain't nobody want a person that's broken inside, we don't want a needy ass bitch that's depending on you. 

This list can go on and on. But these are just some fundamental ones. 

Damn, I forgot, we have one more topic to talk about. My first love. I mean, I've already explained it on my old blog. We were teens, probably 12-13 years old. Two emos loving each other but we never saw the world together. It lasted 11 months, could last longer for sure, but shit happened. External shit. 

Now I'm out. 

Day 03 - Your belief/religion

I used to be an atheist, I also used to believe. Today I am in between. 

I used to think that you, as an individual have all the power to choose your actions, where to go and what to do. You are respoinsible for you own choices and actions. Ther is no force to pull you in any direction, everything is up to you.

Myabe I was influenced by my friends, yeah, I guess I was to some extent. I saw a miracle happen to a friend and I asked her how it had happened, and she told me because she had prayed. I was immediately hooked. Kind of a naive move, I know, but I needed some help, and what better way than to try out the religious way. I was never a very religious person when I believed. I was christian, but I never attended church, read the Holy Bible or whatever jazz revolving that topic. I simply believed in a God, and that God happened to be Jesus. I prayed, that's all I did, every night.

But as time passed, I realized that God never answered my prayers. When I had severe difficulties in life, all he did was.                                    <-- That.

Nothing. 

It's very subjective, though. Maybe I didn't see what he wanted to show me? Either way, I got more shit into my life and I kept on cursing God, hating him for pouring me all this shit over me. It's simple from now on, I just stopped believing him. He doesn't exist to me. If he had heard my prayers, I wouldn't be in that shit pit that I was. I actually got better as soon as I stopped believing him. But then...

I ended up in between. Today I believe there's a force, non-human form, this is not a religion, just a question of belief, equal to the question if you believe in aliens. I'd say... It's karma and destiny.

Yeah, I believe in karma and destiny. If something is meant to happen, it will. If you're a bitch, karma will be a bitch to you an hit you back just as hard as you hit, or even harder. I've seen too much of this stuff in the past two years and I can see a connection to everything. Or just like any belief, it's there to calm you down. To make you believe that you're not alone, that all your actions aren't just stupid actions that only you are responsible for. Right? Get what I mean? It's a way for us believers to think that we sometimes deserve some things, that maybe, in the future, there will be a brighter future if we just wait for it. Karma will fix it, of your'e good to karma, karma will be good to you. Destiny will guide you to become the one you were supposed to be. You will of course have influence in karma and destiny, but maybe only 50%.

Anyway, this is a very subjective, philosophical and open topic. But this is my belief.

Day 02 - Five Truths

1. I'm working towards the lonely life I want. Even though it seems like I am around people, love people and all that jazz, like a normal human being. Having a normal social life; I, deep down, try to stay emotionally independent. Only not to feel any attachment when these people leave my life. No sadness. Doesn't mean I won't get sentimental, of course I do. To some extent, but I am thankful for being able to free myself relatively quickly from any individual that leaves my life.

The lonely life I'm talking about is the life where I life by myself, with my animals, with no human being around me, because deep down people are complicated and annoying to me. I can have all the drama now, when I have the energy to deal with it, but when I get older, I will live alone. And I will be perfectly happy about it, even though some will see me as weird for liking this.

2. I often feel like an alien. Meaning I don't feel like I beling anywhere. I've felt this since my teenage years. That I am something different, I can't put my finger on what it is, it's just a feeling that I'm just... I don't know, maybe this feeling is based on truth #1, why I wanna be alone, because I always feel like an alien around people. I surely seem normal, but my soul will sometimes remind me of how I truly feel inside.

3. I have some people on this earth that I truly hate. I don't like having to hate anyone in my life, because it brings my mood down when I think about it, you know, hate is a negative feeling. But as I grow up I experience more things and people. And I've gathered some to my hate list. I have to say that there's two individuals that I really hate with my whole gut. I would be extremely happy to see them burn on the stake.

I guess this hate actually comes from my own actions too. That I could have done different but I chose not to because things weren't in the right conditions. I regret doing things differently. This plus the fact that these people never apologized for what they did, and I don't think they really understand what they did either... If they feel bad about it. I don't think they do, because they're so fed up with themselves.

4. I don't like babies and children. They scare me and make me uncomfortable because they're so fragile and I can hurt them with my adult powers. Haha, wut? No, but seriously. That's one part of the whole not-liking-babies thing.

The other half is the real truth: they're so extremely annoying. I can't stand them! The cries of a baby, the gross things that run down their faces, their constant need for attention! I could write a whole book about this, why babies are annoying. I will have a post about this on the blog. (Here it is)

5. I'm scared of parents. Especially a partners' parents, in my case a boyfriends' parents. I am also scared of friends parents, any parent! If I'm being put on the child-parent situation, I will surely become a bit scared. Why? Simply because I have so much respect to parents. They're like a boss, they are bosses of my friend/boyfriend. You get what I mean?

When I worked at the lab, I surely had tons of parents around me, but we were on the same level, we were all employees and so it was just about getting to know everyone, viewing them as friends, but I did have some extra respect and considered what I said because after all, they are older than me and I do have respect to elders. But not everyone is scary, just like with any other individual, there will be people that you have better chemistry with than others.

This being said, I am scared of some parents simply because I have a lot of respect for them.


Are these truths or confessions? :P

31 Days List - Day 01

New category: "31 Days List"

I feel like I'm abandoning this blog because I give more attention to another blog that I have, but this is my main blog so I shouldn't put this aside. Since I suck at updating my life events I figured I could do this list to keep my blog updated and my readers distracted while waiting for an update of my life. I'll do my best to keep up with this list.

Day 01 - Present yourself 

Day 02 - Five truths

Day 03 - Your belief/religion

Day 04 - Your thoughts on love, and your first love

Day 05 - Someone I miss

Day 06 - Five pictures that make me happy

Day 07 - I regret this

Day 08 - An awkward moment

Day 09 - I wish to experience this again

Day 10 - Five words that best describe me

Day 11 - This makes me upset

Day 12 - A significant year of your life

Day 13 - A moment I'll never forget

Day 14 - Three places I wanna visit

Day 15 - Five pictures from 2012

Day 16 - This makes me cry

Day 17 - Something that fascinates me

Day 18 - My dream job

Day 19 - This is always in my bag

Day 20 - This song makes me feel good

Day 21 - Someone/something I admire

Day 22 - My bad sides

Day 23 - My type of humour

Day 24 - This is what I used to look like

Day 25 - My type of music

Day 26 - Something that makes me feel good

Day 27 - A song that makes me happy

Day 28 - My favorite movie

Day 29 - If this was my last day

Day 30 - My biggest celeb. crush

Day 31 - Where do you see yourself in 10 years

Day 01 - Present Yourself

I've had this question before on my old, Swedish blog that I wrote in 2011, can be read here: click.

Let's see how much difference there is from three years ago and now. 

I'm pretty much the same as three years ago, but more mature I'd say. More mature and boring, calmer, also not as happy and hyper as I used to be from that old post. I saw a naive person in that old post but not that much has changed I think. 

My personality type is ESTP/ESFP, lately I think I'm ESFP, otherwise I've been an ESTP. 

I'm a 20 year old bitch. Born the same day as Hitler. Attending med. school, biomedicine, sounds advanced? Yeah, that's what I've always heard from people. 

I need to have a purpose, a goal in life. Anyway, I am an active soul. I thrive on actions and always having to do something, always on the move. If I don't have an outlet for it, I will release it mentally. Through writing and/or art. Any form of art. But I can't sit around and do nothing with my life. People that know me have heard me complaining about feeling down or sad because I feel like I have nothing to work towards, this will make me confused in life. 

I can easily forgive and forget. This isn't because the person deserves to be forgiven but because I have to forgive for my own well being. Deep down I am a free soul, and I can't stand around for too long and dwell on the negative things in life. 

Let's just say I'm a lil flame. Passionate about things, never giving up on things I care about, always seem happy lighting peoples lives, but I am also down to earth, boring as mud. I do believe in astrology and I am a cusp sign, after all, born between Aries and Taurus. So I have tendencies of both I guess? I think it's a mature way of handling it. That I am passionate like an Aries but I can tone it down, like the Taurus, when needed. 

I guess the Aries in me is the child and the Taurus the adult in me.