Monday, March 10, 2014

Nocturnal Thoughts

Dear me,

This week has had two nostalgia trips. I've read old letters, conversations and such of my ex and the beginning with my current honey. I no longer have any emotional attachements to these oldies but stuff were way more beautiful than I remember. I mean the moments, letters... Chats. Just now, I was going through about twenty pages of my old blog, from the beginning and onward (my old blog has 50+ pages) and it all started in the beginning of my "high school" time. Obviously I wrote a lot about me and my ex but I noticed one more thing. I blogged a lot! It was almost everyday, three days of no posting was like "oh I'm sorry for being away so much" . Haha, look at me now, I blog like once a week. Nah, it was good to look back, reminding myself of what a good blogger I used to be and I should start that habit again. I literally posed about every single little bullshit that happened in life and those little moments are actually the most fun part. My life is obviously not as eventful as it used to be back in the days, but I can still post stuff that I find interesting.


I've just listened to a song that really brings me back to the days: Darin-Laura. Now this song...! I went to mellanstadiet when this song was out. A free time.


I sometimes post stuff talking about how much have changed over time. The last two years have really been crazy for me! SO much has happened! I went single, left with the hugest heartbreak. The process of healing was a beautiful period because of my friends and the support I received from them. Three months later I turned 18 and dayyymnnnn, the most crazy time of my life was about to begin! My first official clubbing night was a friday on my birthday, it was the perfect timing. Since then I was going out EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND partying. Something new always happened every weekend. That was not it. Just about two weeks after my 18th birthday I met my current boyfriend. And with him would my even-bigger-adventure-than-before begin! As time went on I changed into a different person very quickly. Shit went cray during my year of 18. And then I turned 19 and I started to settle down, taking a pause from all the partying. It kind of got really boring. It started with Khil-Khil dropping off, in the end I felt the same feeling too. Only Diana stayed in that night life. Anyway, now I'd love to party more frequently but I'm in a difficult situation for that to happen. 


Stuff's really weird. I feel really weird right now, 02.28 AM, writing this post. I'm such a changed person. Should I strive to become something I was before...? Should I stay where I am? 


Anyway, I've never expressed this on my blog, but I really, really appreciate Malin! Without her I wouldn't be as sensible as I am right now. I'm living alone in a city I've never visited before. Imma freaking live here for years and it actually gets to you sometimes when you're alone, that... Or, it's actually striking me now, that this lonliness is chewing on your mind. I need a plant in my room. Something living. I've had spiders, but they're just guests. Back on track: Malin is a huge support for me, in every aspect of life. Snapchat is our ground. We chat about every minute of our lives. "Gotta pee, brb." "I don't wanna studyy!", etc. Hearing from her that often makes me feel like she's here with me. :) A precious friend I'll never let go of. 

Then of course we have my boyfriend who also supports me, but not quite the same way. :P He's there as much as I want to and we can talk about everything but he's an extremely independent pucker and that results in not having the same relationship as with Malin. 

Oh well, this is the first time in a long time that I'll be staying at home for at least three weeks without traveling somewhere (Sthlm or West) because of effing biochemistry. I hope I'll come out sane. 


Yours forever

Me


Unedited face and picture! (Because I'm lazy)


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