This will probably be the biggest post I've ever made in my whole life. I've had these thoughts for so many years and I feel like it's time to pour it out into a text.
As the title states, I don't want any children. No babies, no kiddies. No nothing. And I will probably never understand the rest of the world, why they want children.
Sure, it's about transferring your genes, it's about creating the ultimate creature between you and your loved one. You are a human and the best way to feel love is to feel love from another human. So what better way than to create another lil' homo sapiens that is a mixture between YOU and the other person that you love the most on this earth, your partner? It is surely a beautiful creature when you have your own baby in your arms. And the beautiful bond that you will feel when it's in your stomach. The fact that you're growing another human in your body, you are growing life, a "clone" of yourself. The uncondidional love every parent will have for their child is unimaginable, it's probably the ultimate form of love. "I made this", is what both parents will proudly say.
Is this what you all feel about babies and children?
I remember, once upon a time, when I was younger (to be more specific: when I was under 10 years old and played with dolls) that I've never wanted a big family. I once wanted children, or should I say: a child. I only wanted one kid, that's the most that I could imagine having. But as I kept growing up, that thought disappeard, and it did very quickly. I've been having these thoughts for sooo long, for so many years, that I am anti-children.
I seriously want no children.
I've said this to everyone that I know and I've always had the same respons: "Oh, you will change. You will want it later.". I'm in my most fertile years of my life and every person that I've asked "Do you want children?" have all said yes, yes and yes. I haven't met a single person in my life that have said a straight and confident no, I've only met one person, that's me. Just me.
I have seen the beauty and happiness of having a big family with unconditional love. I feel it everytime I travel to my relatives where I'm being showered with love from so many people. I've seen that beautiful love. But this still doesn't change my mind.
I mean, seriously, I think I've seen all the beautiful aspects of children, family life and all that jazz, that SHOULD HAVE persuaded me to have children, like everyone else. I haven't actually experienced the worse of children. I haven't experienced the late night cries of a baby, the hardships of seeing what a pregnant woman is going through. So what makes me want no children?
I have no idea.
Where is this feeling coming from? Why am I not like everyone else, like every woman? Most of you want children in the future, but why don't I? Am I not ready for one? Hell yeah, I'm obviously not ready, I don't think most 20 year olds are, but I don't think I ever will be ready. I don't see myself with a growing human in my tummy when I'm 25, 30, ever.
Let's start from the beginning of life. Let me rant and give you my perspective:
I don't like the thought of having a positive pregnancy test. That is the first life chaning moment of a woman. Should I keep the baby or not? For me, that would freak me the fuck out, that would feel like I received news that I have HIV, Ebola or whatever disease that can't be cured (fortunately, pregnancy can be "cured").
Then people decide to keep the baby. Making it grow in the tummy, they start feeling a bond with the baby, the life that is growing in there. You change your whole life at this point! You leave drugs out of your life, you start eating healthier, you dedicate your life to this life inside of you! You start buying things to this baby: clothes, toys, food, bed, all that stuff.
For me, I would feel like an alien is growing inside of me. That I am having a parasite that I am feeding and am supposed to love. Do you know how scared I am of this? I feel like hyperventilating as I'm writing this. As mentioned, your body goes through a whole change. I mean... You change. Do you get it? Your body is changing. It's like you have a disease. A disease that will last for nine months and you can just hope for as little complications as possible when you've popped that thing out after nine months. You will still have that extra weigh, probably gathered tons of stretch marks and all that stuff. You know what I mean. Marks from the pregnancy, scars from the disease. Don't forget the nine month torture of puking, mood changes, cramps, cravings and all that. Being on your period for nine months straight, but x10 worse.
Then it's time for labor. Wow, the most horrifying moment. I can't even imagine the pain. People say it hurts like hell. I'm sure it really does. I mean, this stuff scares me, it's like surgery without numbing your body. Medieval torture, lulz. I know we have C-section as an option too, but I'm talking about the other thing people decide to go through.
Time to care and raise the child. Do I have to write this part? I'll make it as short as possible. You stop working and it's a full time job to care for this baby. The late night cries, the insanity you go through because of this baby. The life changing, never ending process of raising a child! I have so many thoughts about this part that I can't even write this down orderly.
It is really annoying to raise a child! The poop, the snot, the tears, the screams. All you can do is to care unconditionally. you can't speak to a baby, it has no purpose but to get attention because it wants food and love. Or to change the diapers.
As it grows up, things will change again. First of all, throughout your whole life with your child(ren), you will have to pay for everything! I mean a lot of things, from fertilization state till you're dead. That's the first thing: you have to put money into the kiddos. Clothes, toys, medicine, entertainment, etc.
Theeeen, when it's integrating with society, it'll start talking about other people, will start comparing stuff with other people. I mean, I'm talking about everything: clothes, toys, appearance, and more.
I'm having a head ache at this point.
Then you have to teach it about morals, views, opinions, thoughts, feelings and maaaaaan, it's a lot. I am already confused by the complexity of human kind, how the hell will I teach a child all of this. (let them live life for themselves and support and help them as they go, I know.)
You also have pressure for them to succeed. You don't want your child to be a loser, do you? To work at McDonalds. You want your kid to have money, succeed, be happy and whatnot. That puts pressure on you as a parent. You will feel like a failure if your child goes down.
Okay, at this point I am totally having a head ache, I can't think any further, but I have so much more to say. I might continue another time.
All in all, I am, obviously for abortion. I wish I was a man, don't have to go through all these thoughts. Weird ending. Whatever.
HOWEVER, I do wanna replace children with animals, specifically dogs! I am totally in love with dogs as women are to babies.
There will be a part II
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